Fanfic of fanfic l-lol

[primroseshows]

So are you all familiar with the amazing aatash's Detective!AU in which Ohno and Nino are professional sleuths and Sho suffers by association? If you aren't you better get on this shit, for reals, then perhaps you would like to be? What kind of question is that; of course you would like to be.

Anyway, I'm kind of majorly in love with this universe so I wrote a prequel!fic for it. Yes, yes, I know, I know. Exactly.

Title: To Catch A Thief
Rating: PG
Characters: Sho, Nino, Ohno
Genre: General
Length: ~3,000 words
Summary: Sho meets an interesting person at the bar one night. He sort of regrets it.



The bar was already crowded, by the time Sho arrived. He hated his hours. Rather, he hated that he had so many hours. Today, for example: an early morning, forgoing breakfast, inhaling lunch in six minutes flat, and finally escaping his office by seven pm. He'd worked 14 hours total. And it'd been the kind of day that just begged for a stiff drink. He'd been woken up at five am for a hysterical mother, convinced that her baby's harsh cough meant that he was about to die, "die in my very arms, Sakurai-sensei." It had only been a little bit of colic, and it wouldn't have been so bad if Mariko-san hadn't thrown herself at him in teary-eyed gratitude - breasts right in Sho's face. He'd had to push her away to make her let go of him. It'd been awkward. Her breasts had been sweaty.

Sho loved his job. He loved working with kids, and the parents were usually very pleasant as well. But sometimes they were the reason Sho found himself going to the bar nearest to his clinic as soon as he finished work, desperate for an empty seat and some strong alcohol.

There wasn't a single empty table in the room, so Sho walked up to the bar and ordered a glass of scotch. He looked around, a bit perplexed. This wasn't his usual bar, but he dropped by occasionally and he'd never seen the place so full before. There were a lot of women around. Was there a lady's night promotion going on? Sho recognized a few female doctors from the clinic sitting near the corner of the bar, and he debated joining their table, but eventually decided against it. Not today. For some reason all the women he worked with found it hilarious that his patients' mothers kept throwing themselves at Sho. Something about, "once you get to know Sho-san," but Sho was reasonably sure they had only been teasing at the time. They'd still probably laugh at him though, once they found out about Mariko-san. Sho remembered that after they learned about the incident with Shibata Rie, he hadn't been able to look any of them in the eye for a week.

"Interested in them?" someone said from his side. Sho turned around, startled.

A slight young man was sitting on Sho's left. His hair was slightly messy, framing his pleasant face and friendly smile. In his hands, he was shuffling a deck of cards.

"No, no," Sho said hastily. "They're my colleagues. I was just wondering if I should go over there to talk to them."

"Why not?" the man asked. "I'm sure they'd be pleased for your company."

Sho took a sip of his drink. "I think I've filled up my estrogen quota for today."

The other man laughed. "Don't tell me you're a gynecologist or something?"

"No, I'm a pediatrician," Sho corrected. "But I still deal with an assortment of women with my job. Well. Often they're lovely people and I enjoy seeing them, but sometimes..."

"Sometimes, not," the man finished.

"Yes, exactly."

"People are like that," the man said, twirling one card in between his thumb and forefinger. Every time it spun around, the face of the card changed. "They're all lovely, except some of them aren't."

Sho stared. "Er. Yes."

"So!" the man grinned, putting down his cards. "A doctor! You must be quite well-off! Do you know money? What do you think about the economy?"

Sho's immediate thought was that the guy was a con artist. The way he was handling those cards, and now talk about money? Sho surreptitiously reached behind him to pat his back pocket - yes, he still had his wallet. The other man's eyes tracked his hand movement and grinned.

"Are you afraid I'm going to steal from you?"

Sho flushed. "No, of course not. I just. I have to pay for my drink, and I wanted to make sure --"

"It's not a bad idea to be careful," the man cut in, smile growing. "There are lovely people who are thieves, too, right. You're smart to realize that. But I'll tell you right now I'm not one of those people."

"And how do I know you're telling me the truth?" Sho asked, amused.

"It's easy," the man said. "A real thief would lie to you, right? Of course he would. He'd tell you he was being truthful about not being a thief; but of course you'd suspect him anyway. The wisest choice is to not say anything. Don't bring up the subject. But since I have, and now you know I'm aware of the consequences, then there are two possibilities: either I'm risking the success of my future stealing, or I'm not a thief at all. Either way, you're fine." The man picked up his cards again. "And I don't do stupid tricks like reverse psychology. That's too plebian."

"Right," Sho said, trying not to laugh. This guy... just what kind of person was he? He was interesting.

The man's name was Ninomiya. "Call me Nino," he said, when they finally shook hands. "Very nice to meet you, Sho-san. Let's get along, okay?" He was apparently pretty new to this bar; he'd only started coming here last week. "I'm fortunate to find such a cool person to talk to today," he told Sho, leaning closer with bright eyes, and Sho laughed, feeling flattered.

Nino was good company. He had a unique way of thinking, in that he seemed to think everything could be interpreted like a video game, with money being the ultimate goal. For situations like the stock market, Sho could understand, but also for grocery shopping -- well, okay. But for deciding on a person's career -- hmm. Maybe Nino had a point. But Nino talked like all of life's problems could be solved if only the right steps were taken to deal with them. A specific combination of buttons that would lead you to a shortcut to the princess' castle; similarly, a specific set of procedures could lead you to the ending that you aimed for. "It's not as if you're predicting the future; no one can do that," Nino said, "but if you follow the clues, you'll get somewhere eventually." He was a strange guy, but had a wicked sense of humour, which Sho appreciated. Sho found himself arguing against Nino one second, and laughing his head off the other. He was barely aware of it when the bar's lights dimmed.

"Ah," Nino said, pointing at the stage at the corner of the room. A single spotlight lit the slightly raised platform and the lone microphone. "Looks like the main attraction is about to start."

"What's going on?" Sho asked him. "Is this the reason that there are so many women here?" In his rush for a drink, Sho hadn't paid any attention to the sign at the bar's front door, announcing the entertainment for tonight.

Nino shrugged. "I guess you can say that. I've been told the performer is very good."

"You're here to see the act too, then?"

Nino shook his head. His teeth flashed briefly in the dark as he smiled. "No. I'm here to fish."

Sho tossed him a weird look, but Nino was raising a finger to his lips and pushing Sho's shoulder to direct his attention back to the stage.

"Ladies and gentleman," one of the bartenders announced into the mike, "or should I just say ladies?" He winked; some of the women in the audience laughed, but more of them clapped. Sho was a bit disturbed when he noticed two of his colleagues were whooping. Even Kobayashi-san was leaning forward in her seat, looking a bit starry-eyed.

"Well, folks, if you can believe it," the bartender continued, "this talented individual has only started performing recently. This is only his third show! We've been fortunate here at The Blind Mole to have snatched him up while he's still new to the business. Everyone, please give a warm welcome for... Sammi!!"

Everyone applauded. A small man with short, spiky hair stepped slowly onto the tiny stage, shoulders hunched and smiling slightly. "Hello," he said softly, bowing. A few women cheered. "Thank you," Sammi said, and for a long moment, just stood there awkwardly, blinking at the spotlight shining on his face. Seconds ticked by. Someone coughed. Behind Sho, Nino made a sound of impatience. "Music," he muttered. "He needs the music."

Belatedly, the music started playing, a soft pop melody, and something flicked on in Sammi. Sho was certain that he hadn't heard an explosion, but that was definitely what he saw: one second the guy was standing there looking like a lost puppy, and the next he was dancing like water, shifting his limbs so smoothly and precisely that it was like he'd invented movement. And when Sammi stepped forward to the microphone and started singing, Sho's mouth dropped open. His voice was amazing. A woman sitting at a table close to the front stifled an excited scream. Nino laughed.

"How is it, Sho-san?" he whispered in Sho's ear.

Sho shook his head. "He's great," he admitted.

"You know, I hate fishing," Nino went on quietly, "but I've been told that you need three things to do it: a line, a hook, and some bait. You can think of the fishing line as an advantageous situation: something that prompts the fisherman to cast his hook. For example, when everyone's attention is taken up by something else. If I were a thief, now would be the perfect time to act, wouldn't it? The possibility of all the money to gain is the hook. And if you have one unsuspecting person, a person who was obviously well-off, someone too tired from a hard day's work to pay much attention to a stranger brushing by him -- and you bring this person to the thief's attention by talking loudly in a crowded bar, then -- are you listening to me, Sho-san?"

Sho wasn't, really. He was kind of captivated by Sammi's performance. Just how could a person move like that? Sho himself was about as graceful as a three legged stool and on the rare occasions he went to karaoke, he only dared to sing the rap parts of songs. This guy, though. He was something else. No wonder all these people had shown up to watch him. And only his third performance? Incredible.

Sammi paused his dance to hold a long, soulful note to end his song. His eyes, drifting lazily across the crowd, landed right on Sho, and held his gaze. Sho swallowed. Sammi stopped singing. The spotlight dimmed, and the entire bar burst into wild applause. When the room lights flickered back on, Sammi had stepped off stage and was being swarmed by a group of women sitting at the front. A few more people pushed past Sho, trying to make their way closer to Sammi. "Hey, oi," Sho said, as one guy gave him a hard shove to get Sho out of the way.

Sho turned back around to face Nino. "Sorry, what were you saying before--" Oh. He was gone. That was kind of rude. Well, he was just a random acquaintance, after all. He had no obligation to keep Sho company for the rest of the evening, although Sho was a bit disappointed by that. Nino had been fun. And Sho hadn't had the chance to ask about those card tricks yet. Actually - it suddenly occurred to him that he knew nothing about Nino at all. Great, now Sho couldn't even look for Nino again. Honestly, Sho had liked the guy.

It was probably time to head home, then. Sho reached behind to grab his wallet -- grab his wallet, and. Wait. His wallet was missing.

Nino. Sho grit his teeth. It must have been him! When Sho had been paying attention to the show, he'd just -- stolen Sho's wallet, not moments after he'd told Sho that he wasn't a thief! That liar! Sho couldn't believe he fell for it.

"I'll pay for you," a soft voice said, just as someone tapped Sho gently on the back.

It was Sammi. He dug into his pants and handed Sho a couple of bills.

"Oh, thank you very much, but I couldn't," Sho said, pushing back the money. But Sammi shook his head, smiling softly.

"It's okay. I'm supposed to," he said.

"What?" Sho asked.

Sammi blinked at him. "Eh, Nino told me to pay for you."

"What?" Sho asked again, confused. "Nino? You know Nino? That guy stole my wallet!"

"No, not Nino. The other person did," Sammi said patiently. "He didn't show up the past two nights we were here, but he did today, so Nino needed to find someone for him to steal from and catch him in the act."

"Find someone..."

"He called you bait."

"Bait. Me."

"Yeah, you."

"For the thief."

Sammi shrugged. "Nino was angry, before. It wasn't even a case for us. His own wallet got stolen by this guy last week, so he really wanted to catch him. He was really determined." Sammi's expression dropped sadly. "I didn't want to perform on stage or anything, but Nino said it would only work this way. I think he was lying though. He just likes to see me dance."

"That's a lie," Nino said, walking up to them. "I'm only interested in your ass, and I couldn't even see it from where I was sitting." He was pulling someone along by the wrist. It was the same man who'd shoved past Sho before. His eyelids were drooping and he was swaying on his feet. His mouth was a little open. Sho recognized that look on his face.

"Did - did you drug him?" he hissed at Nino.

Nino narrowed his eyes at him. "Hey, I'm protecting the peace here. You should have seen the scene he was making when I cornered him in the washroom. He's got a knife strapped to his ankle. I can't have this guy deciding to take drastic measures and hurt someone in the bar or whatever. This was the easiest way. Anyway, here." He reached into his pocket and extracted Sho's wallet. Sho took it, dumbly. "You're welcome. Sorry about using you as bait, but all's well that ends well, wouldn't you say?"

"No," Sammi pouted, gently tugging on Nino's sleeve. "There were these ladies and they were touching my butt. Nino, strangers were touching my butt. It was weird."

Nino ignored him and slapped Sho's shoulder, grinning. "We have to take this guy to the police station now. It was nice to work with you, Sho-san! Maybe we'll see each other again sometime. Come on, Oh-chan." He pushed his way through the crowd to the exit and Sho had to hand it to him: the way he was walking with the real thief in tow was incredibly deceptive. It looked like he was merely leading a drunk friend home.

Sammi took one last glance at the wallet in Sho's hand and held out his money again, this time reaching over and wrapping Sho's fingers around the bills. "Bye, Sho-chan," he said, before hurrying after Nino.

Sho stared.

"Are you gonna pay for your drink or what?" the bartender called out from behind him.

"Oh, excuse me," Sho said, fumbling open his wallet.

It was empty.

Well, not entirely empty. There was a white business card inside. Sho took it out, baffled.

Call Messrs. Ohno and Ninomiya at Ohmiya Agency. Private Detectives for hire, at your service.

~

"Ohmiya Agency, hello?"

"Is this Nino?"

"Oh! Sho-san! I see you found our card. So how--"

"You stole my money."

"Ah, about that."

"I had over eighty dollars of cash in there and you just took it?"

"Think if it as a finder's fee, Sho-san. We were only doing our job."

"I didn't hire you! You used me in your plan!"

"But you got your wallet back! Credit cards and ID cards and that picture of your girlfriend--"

"THAT'S MY MOTHER!"

"Really? Wow, good genes. Do you have any sisters, Sho-san?"

"Yes, one younger - wait, why - Nino!!"

"Just kidding, Sho, geez. Look, are you happy you got your wallet back or not? And Oh-chan paid for your drink last night, didn't he?"

"Yes, but I hardly think one glass of scotch equals out to eighty dollars--"

"Look, I'd love to discuss this further, but I'm on the clock here. If you want to keep on talking to me, I'm going to have to charge you. Now, do you want to meet up for dinner tonight?"

Sho paused; he hadn't been aware that was an option.

"Tick tock, Sho-chan."

"Yes, sure. I mean." Sho kicked himself.

"Great! Same time, same place as yesterday, okay? I signed Oh-chan up for four performances total, just in case that thief-guy didn't come by for the first few, and I want to get paid for every one. See you! Bye!"

Sho looked at the phone in his hand; then at the business card in his other. He tucked the business card into his wallet and decided to look at this as an opportunity. He vowed to order at least eighty dollars of food tonight and make Nino pay for the whole thing. Then he'd never have anything to do with Ohmiya Agency again.

He was wrong on both counts.

Comments

[rikke-leonhart.livejournal.com]

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

This is one of the best AU's I've ever read <3

[primroseshows.livejournal.com]

♥♥♥ (lol my hearts look feeble in comparison)

Thank you so much!! ;o;

[katmillia.livejournal.com]

UM OMG I LOVE WHEN YOU WRITE FIC ITS LIKE CHRISTMAS

1. STRANGERS TOUCHED MY BUTT LOLOL
2. OKAY STILL LAUGHING FROM BUTT TOUCHING
3. Sho is like BAIT all the time!
4. HAHA META ABOUT SHO ONLY SINGING RAP
5. And he really does dance like a three-legged stool
6. HAHAHAHA STRANGERS TOUCHED MY BUTT CHRIST I CANT GET OVER THAT
7. ITS LIKE FINDING NEMO WHERE THE DARE HIM TO TOUCH THE BUTT
8. BWAHAHAHHA
9. GIRLFRIEND- NO THATS MY MOM HAHAHA
10. SHIT BREATHING IS GOOD
11. BWAHAHAHA THE END CONVERSATION WAS JUST FREAKING GOLD
12. Okay finger off the capslock key now
13. Easy does it.
14. Hahahaha oh god no I'm still laughing about the butt
15. >3 >3 speaking of butts!

ILU FOR MAKING MY DAY!!!11!eleven

[primroseshows.livejournal.com]

LOL ILUSM

HAHAHA I love that we have that angry butt thing. >3 >3 >3

ps I had to do other stuff but I'm going back to read your fic now! It's almost 1 am though now OTL

[blood-opal.livejournal.com]

♥♥♥

Silly Sho, thinking he could outsmart Nino into paying for a meal. XD Oh, Keio boy, you'll learn soon enough. Please tell me there is more. *___*

[primroseshows.livejournal.com]

There is most certainly more! I think aatash is working on a long mystery fic for universe, a-and I might not be opposed to writing more for it either *_____*

[rhythmia.livejournal.com]

Oh, well-played indeed, Nino! *claps*

I love the tone of this fic, and the way you have Sho's POV. Oh his life is so hard. XD Pitiful butt-touched Ohno is pure gold.


"But you got your wallet back! Credit cards and ID cards and that picture of your girlfriend--"

"THAT'S MY MOTHER!"

"Really? Wow, good genes. Do you have any sisters, Sho-san?"

"Yes, one younger - wait, why - Nino!!"

That phone conversation nearly made me spit out my orange juice. XDDDD


I love your brain. Please never stop. Between you and aatashi, I'm so dead. ♥

[primroseshows.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much!! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Ohno just kind of asks for those situations, really. XDDD

♥♥♥ thank you for your lovely comment!!

[rhythmia.livejournal.com]

Alas. Those psychic waves radiating from it must also have pheromones or something. ^_~

You really wanna touch meeeeeee, touuuuuch the buuuuuttttt~

[oviparous.livejournal.com]

am risking damaged nails for this comment

BRILLIANT
will give m ore c onstructive c omment when nails come off

meanwhile
love the sho-nino interaction jsdjkasksjkjajka

[primroseshows.livejournal.com]

DON'T RISK YOUR NAILS LOL I would die if you had to redo them, they look sooo delicate *___*

I'm glad you liked this though! Thanks for your comment! (And don't comment again until your hands are safe!) ♥

[shotaphile.livejournal.com]

STRANGERS WERE TOUCHING MY BUTT.

I have died and gone someplace very shiny. <3

[primroseshows.livejournal.com]

LMAO thank you for the comment!! ♥♥♥

also, eeeee still flailing over your sky pirates fic!

[shotaphile.livejournal.com]

It was all for the sei_shoku love <3

[dthnhi.livejournal.com]

CRAP FREAKING OUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO COMMENT ON FIRST
AAAH
AAAH

RESULT:
asodjaposdjoawkdaijraisjdiasjdmaisrijasrt :D :D :D :D aopsjdoasdaoskdoasd ♥ ♥ ♥

[primroseshows.livejournal.com]

*____* thank you!!!

[jliann.livejournal.com]

I think my brain already exploded at the "Sho is a PEDIATRICIAN" part so I'm going to be pretty incoherent but asdfjkl;

Smooth, Nino. Very smooth. But I actually felt worse for Ohno than Sho, because obviously people around Nino get used and their butts get groped in the process.

"There were these ladies and they were touching my butt. Nino, strangers were touching my butt. It was weird." Favouritest line ever. XDDD

[primroseshows.livejournal.com]

Thanks bb. Sho + kids = automatic win y/y

I feel bad for Ohno too. It's a tough life! But then he also gets his butt groped by Nino so it's evens out. Kind of.

Hey! Are you still interested in a DW account? I can send you an invitation if you'd like!

[jliann.livejournal.com]

Sho + kids + their flirty mothers = HILARITY. Your brain is just too awesome XD

Ohno and Sho can drag Nino on a real fishing trip for revenge. >=} "You wanna fish? I'll let you fish!"

For REALZ??? Omg ILU ♥ I'd LOVE a DW account! But I must give you art in exchange! ...Any scenes you'd like to see? :DDD

[primroseshows.livejournal.com]

Apparently I have to apply for invite codes? What is this. I bought a paid account! I thought I was allowed to have 10 invites! :(

Okay well I requested one for you, but I have to wait to see if they (admin) give me one. Ha ha, you're definitely not required to draw me anything, but don't even think about it AT ALL until I actually get a code for you, okay?

[jliann.livejournal.com]

Take your time~ ♥

[kailice.livejournal.com]

So this reply is late and I don't have time to leave a long reply because I'm supposed to be asleep, but UGH YOU ARE TOO AMAZING ♥

[primroseshows.livejournal.com]

ILU ♥

[aatash.livejournal.com]

How did I just notice this alkfdfl; w-washing up before I sit down to read it proper. FLAILY INCOHERENT COMMENT COMING.

[aatash.livejournal.com]

Oh Sho. Oh Sho. Always the bait. Always the victim. But he loves it anyway. And Ohno undercover, forced by his own partner! Singing! Dancing! Strangers touching his butt! Plus Nino pilfering all of Sho's money and the "Tick Tock, Sho-chan" line a;lsd. ♥♥♥

You do this AU so much justice. ;o;

[primroseshows.livejournal.com]

fdas;fja; thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. It didn't turn out as "crime-solving" as I'd envisioned it, but I figure that there will be plenty more chances for that sort of thing in the future. NUDGE TO YOU.

♥♥♥ Thank you for letting me play with your AU!! :D

[aoihikari.livejournal.com]

this was crackalious!!! XD!!!

you makes me heart ohmiya and befuzzled!sho very very much! thanks for sharing! :3

[primroseshows.livejournal.com]

Ah! I'm glad you enjoyed it!! Thanks for your comment! ♥

[arashijun.livejournal.com]

LOL "stranger's touched my butt nino, it was weird"
Omg i love you. this was amazing.

[primroseshows.livejournal.com]

HAHA glad you liked it! Thank you! :)

[namenimorkan.livejournal.com]

HOMG. SO. CUTE.
I love that Nino pwns everyone in this.
And just using Sammi as a stage name made me choke on my drink - in a good way, of course. XD
I adore this, I really do. ♥

[primroseshows.livejournal.com]

HAHA ikr the Nino bias is strong in me. I'm glad you enjoyed! Thanks for reading! :)